


Lannister Family Values

by LibKat



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Badass Brienne, Canon Incestuous Relationship (past), F/M, Happy Ending, Kinda Cracky, Probably ooc, not cersei friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 10:58:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14354064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibKat/pseuds/LibKat
Summary: Brienne has had enough.





	Lannister Family Values

**Author's Note:**

> This is a palate cleanser for the sad fic I posted yesterday. It’s not a sequel to that one. This is a different version of Jaime and Brienne.
> 
> You may find Brienne out of character here. I prefer to think that this is what she’d be like after a couple of years of a solid romantic relationship with Jaime. 
> 
> Disclaimer: A Song of Ice and Fire, Game of Thrones and these characters belong to a whole bunch of people who are not me. I will return them undamaged when I am finished playing with them.

Brienne was running about ten minutes late to meet Jaime for dinner.  There’d been more than the usual rigamarole with the big Wildling security guard who seemed convinced that she’d dump her boyfriend for him if he just leered at her long enough.

The door to Jaime’s big corner office was open and she could hear angry voices in inside.  She recognized both of them.

_Gods, that bitch just won’t give up!_

Brienne stopped just out of sight of her boyfriend and his crazy sister/ex.  She smiled just a little bit evilly.  It might be fun to fuck with Cersei’s head a little, burst in all angry and accusatory, then laugh at the transparent, manipulative shrew.  Jaime knew she’d never fall for one of Cersei’s sick games. He’d probably catch on right away and join in the performance.

“What was that text you just got?  Gods, you waited until you knew that Brienne was on her way up to try this, didn’t you?” Jaime’s voice dripped with contempt.

“I don’t care about that cow.  I only care about us.  I love you, Jaime.  I love you, I love you!” Cersei’s normally dulcet tone contained more than a hint of desperation.

_She’s taking the break up with Rhaegar worse than we expected.  She’s acted like Jaime doesn’t even exist since before her wedding, two blissfully peaceful years. Guess that’s over with._

“Jaime, Jaime, my love.”  Cersei whispered seductively.  Then came a startled, “Jaime?!”

“You can keep rubbing up against me all night, Cersei.  I’m not gonna get hard.  The thought of being with you makes my dick so limp that I’m worried I may never get a boner again.”

_Couldn’t get a better cue than that?_

Before Brienne could walk through the doorway she heard a violent slap.

“Be grateful I don’t hit women, Cersei.  Now get out.”

Brienne forgot all about making an entrance, running her own game.  She pushed past Cersei and went to where Jaime stood, the clear imprint of a hand on his cheek.

“Babe, are you okay?”

Jaime wrapped his arms around Brienne and pulled her close.  “I’m fine now, Bri.  Oh, hey, look, boner problem solved.”  Jaime grinned at her.

Brienne turned her head to look at Cersei, who’d moved to halfway between the desk and the door and posed there like the supermodel she’d been twenty years, two husbands and an ocean of wine ago.

Gods, she’d really gone all out: four inch fuck me pumps, a bandage dress that was cut to her navel and barely covered her cooch, casual-sexy, bedhead curls that must have taken her an hour and shitloads of product to achieve.

“You can go, Cersei.  Jaime’s dance card is filled for the night.”

Cersei stalked over to stand in front of Brienne, a sinuous, lioness walk that she’d probably been perfecting in the mirror since the first time she toddled across the floor to her nanny.

“You think you’ve won something, do you?  You’ll never keep him.  He’s mine and he always will be.”

Brienne had no fucks to give about her any more.  “You know, Cersei, after getting dumped, most people don’t see fucking _their brother_ as the rebound relationship of choice.  Go find yourself another rich man to seduce long enough to get a big divorce settlement before he drops you.  Or maybe do something constructive for once and get some fucking therapy to figure out why you’re such a raging bitch.  Whichever, at least refill your prescription for antipsychotics.”

“You cunt!” Cersei shouted and another slap echoed through the office.

Everything went through Brienne’s mind in a split second as she considered her response.  Then she backhanded Cersei and sent her flying across the room.

_And the bitch goes down._

“Jaime may not be willing to hit a woman but I have no such problem.  Now pick your skanky ass up off the floor and leave, before I drag you out by your hair extensions.”

“Gods, Brienne, I have never loved you more.  Marry me.”

Brienne rolled her eyes.  “Really, Jaime?  You couldn’t have picked a more opportune time to ask?  Like any other time, ever?”

“That’s not a no, wench.  Is it a yes?”  Jaime looked hopefully into her eyes.

Brienne heaved a huge sigh of exasperation. “Of course, it’s a yes, you doofus.  But let’s make up a better story about how you proposed when people inevitably ask.”

“Are you fucking kidding me!” Cersei screamed from her place sprawled on the carpet, her eye already swelling and blood dripping from her nose into her cleavage.  “I’m having you arrested.  You’re going to go to prison for this.  Nobody strikes a Lannister and gets away with it.  My father will make sure that you’re charged with assault.”

Brienne gave her a look.

_Bitch, please.  I’m trying to get engaged here._

Jaime rolled his eyes at his twin.  “There are surveillance cameras all over the building, including one in this office, Cersei.  I had them installed the last time you tried to ambush me.  The recording, which will feature you groping my crotch, will also show who hit who first.  And even if it didn’t, which one of you do you think Dad will side with?  Who’s he going to see as the more valuable Lannister: his alcoholic, home wrecking, tabloid fodder daughter or the honorable and universally admired future mother of his Lannister grandchildren?”

Cersei turned pale.

“Brienne’s right.  Take your skanky ass out of here.  I want to celebrate with my new fiancée.”

“Jaime!” Brienne exclaimed, blushing Lannister crimson.

“Husband, Brienne, husband.  Get used to calling me that.” Jaime leaned forward and whispered in her ear, “Especially when I’m inside you.”

They barely spared a glance when Cersei picked herself up off the floor and stumbled out into the corridor.

Just before he shut and locked the office door behind her, Jaime’s voice called out.  “And when you get to the lobby, tell that Wildling fucker you bribed that he’s fired.”

 


End file.
